What Is a Death Doula? (And Why Would You Become One?)
In the very first episode of HTBA, end-of-life doula Erin Bishop explains what it means to help someone die well (Plus, hear clips didn't make the episode)
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In 2012, Erin Bishop’s close friend was diagnosed with cancer, so she brought him into her home and became his primary caregiver. He refused hospice, and his death was protracted, unmedicated, and traumatic—for him and for the 10 people who were in the room when he died.
That experience changed her life. Years later, Erin left a successful career in market research to become a death doula.
I had a dawning understanding that every death affects every other death. That is the learning that I hold most close to my heart now in the work that I do today. When I work with individuals who are trying to redefine their relationship with their mortality, that’s where we start, is on all of the deaths that they’ve experienced.
So, what is a death doula?
It’s non-medical support for the end of life. It can be very practical in nature, like help setting advanced directives (to be clear, doulas are not attorneys), or very philosophical in tone, like help exploring one’s relationship with death.
However, death doulas aren’t just for our final days. Many of us are interested in talking about death, yet we’re seldom afforded the opportunity to do so. I think this episode offers a lot of catharsis in that way. In our conversation, Erin notes that there are “a lot of people eager to have a conversation [about death], but feeling like it’s not going to be a welcome topic. I rarely find that somebody really, truly doesn’t want to talk about it.” Part of a death doula’s work is to help their communities have conversations about death and dying.
What may surprise you about this episode of How to Be Anything (How to Be a Death Doula) is that it’s not morbid and it’s not crunchy. Erin and I chat about:
What a death doula actually does and how she became one
Why some people choose to die alone
How growing up in a “death-denying culture” shaped Erin’s understanding of grief
What Erin believes makes for a good death
Listen to what didn’t make the episode
Death doulas are not hospice care, though they often work with hospice, and the relationship can be mutually beneficial. Here’s what Erin had to say:
The death of a loved one can be devastating and the separation painful, but it can also be beautiful. I asked Erin what it’s like to be in the room when a client dies. Here’s what she told me:
Meet Erin Bishop
Erin is an INELDA-certified end-of-life doula in Richmond, VA. She supports families and individuals through the final stages of life, helping plan for the end, process what it means to die, and find meaning in death.
Erin brings openness and compassion to her work—whether she’s holding vigil, facilitating legacy projects, or hosting community death cafés.
Learn more about Erin, death doulas, and death cafes at …
Going with Grace (another well-respected accreditation program for doulas)
You can find Erin at her website, nightsongdoulas.com, and connect with her on LinkedIn.